First…Create A Strong Attraction

There was a Chinese Hawaiian guy, I used to be very good friends with. We were actually attracted to each other but neither one of us knew it. I was in my twenties and after living through heartbreak, I was reluctant to give my heart again to anyone.  When we first met, this guy was dating someone else, so I didn’t consider him as an option but he was very attractive.

After a year, circumstances would have it that we became roommates.  We always ran in the same circle so it was natural for us to end up as roommates and by this time he was no longer dating anyone.  Since we were both single, and lived together we spent a lot of time together.  As mentioned, this was after I lost my true love so even though I was attracted to him, I didn’t feel the urge to go there with him. I wasn’t ready for hurt feelings or heart break and neither was he.  Then it happened.

At the time I didn’t realize that he liked me as much as I liked him.   We were hanging out with our group of friends and all of a sudden. We started kissing.  I mean really kissing.  He was laying one on me for real. I had no idea. We were in a lip lock so passionately that we didn’t realize that all of our friends were staring at us in disbelief.  What is happening right now?  

It didn’t stop.  We got back to our apartment and kept going… Until I came to my senses. Wait! What?  I can’t sleep with my best friend and roommate.  If this goes badly, then it will be a catastrophe. As hard as that was.  I put the pause on the whole thing citing the obvious.  He wasn’t happy about it but he agreed.

From that moment on, we became the silliest goof ball kissing cousins you’d imagine. We talked, flirted and hugged each other but kept it as platonic as possible.  We kissed each other but only to challenge our friends in drinking games.  I know.  So silly. But I didn’t know, we were creating what turned out to be a deep, long lasting sexual tension.

We stayed friends for many years and even moved from Chicago to San Francisco together but he often traveled to his home in Hawaii. In San Francisco, he wanted to be roommates again but I felt he wasn’t serious enough about life, nor ready for a real relationship so I decided to move in with my girlfriend. He wasn’t happy about that. We stayed great friends over the years and when I finally had a serious relationship, I was excited to share the news with my friend.

By this time, he had moved to Hawaii and my boyfriend and I were going there for a vacation. I never felt any reason to hide my life, and I wanted to introduce him to my new man. He said he was excited to see us and told me to confirm everything so we could hang out. When we got there, he completely blew me off.  Didn’t answer the phone or return my phone calls.  I was so confused. This was not like my good friend at all.

Many years later, out of the blue, this guy reaches out to me. He had been thinking about me for years and he always wondered what happened to me. He also wanted to apologize for the way he acted. That is when I found out.  After almost 10 years from the time we first met, he admitted he couldn’t stop thinking about me. He couldn’t bear to see me with someone else. We use to talk a lot and we were friends.  He respected me and after all those years there was so much sexual tension because we never fulfilled what we felt. We never got together. And I learned something. There is a sexual tension that a woman and a man can create but distance and time makes it stronger. We started out with respect.  Over time, he knew and loved me. I didn’t try to do that.  Nevertheless, I learned how powerful it was when you give yourself time to get to know each other, love each other and wait.

This requires more investigation.

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