Find Your Fun First

The first thing in anything is make sure you’re having fun. This is the most important thing. It really doesn’t matter how that’s defined. Whether you are into skating, hang gliding, singing, knitting, traveling or dancing. Do it as often as possible. When someone told me this, I did not understand what difference it would make.  When I was going through the worst time in my life the advice was valuable. I call it finding your fun.

So this takes me back to a time that life was tough. I had come out of a bad relationship. I was depressed, lost my job, getting acne, gaining weight and feeling lost. That obviously is no way to meet someone, which honestly wasn’t my first goal anyway. A friend of mine suggested that I do something fun for myself everyday.  Even if it was free. They suggested take myself to a movie or do yoga or read a good book. I thought about it and decided I would watch Dave Chappelle videos on youtube. That was fun, right. Everyday, I’d watch comedy videos for 5-15 minutes and laugh. As time went on, I started writing again, then came salsa lessons and karaoke. Soon I became an organizer on Meetup.com for a relationship group and started organizing fun events for singles. As time rolled on, I became happier. More of myself.  I was expressing who I really was. I started dressing better, wearing makeup, flirting and attracting more attention. I stayed busy. Doing weekly events and getting more out of my shell. I started dating and talking to men. I didn’t feel ready for a relationship yet. I just wanted to have fun and be cute. No stress.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was creating a vibration of positive energy. I was attracting what I wanted into my life. I was being myself and smiling and attracting more of the same.

During all this commotion, I met what became my future husband. I didn’t know that would happen. All I knew was he seemed genuine and he matched my energy.  We enjoyed each other and I wasn’t pressing him to settle down. I just wanted to enjoy my life. But there were distinct things I did and it was on purpose.

Believe me, I did not intend to meet my husband in a club but there I was hosting another event in one of the hottest clubs in Orange County. I don’t drink much so I was just enjoying my friends and making sure every one was having a good time. First I saw him across the room and I thought he was cute. He was interacting with the girls at my event so I went over to investigate. From the second we met, he took charge. He asked me to dance and if I wanted a drink. He asked for my number and if I wanted to go out the following week. He took the lead, which was attractive to me. And I let him lead.

From that moment on… I did not initiate dates with him. I did not text him more than he texted me. I didn’t call him more than he called me. I wasn’t sure of every move I would take, but I knew he needed to work. If he didn’t want to work, then I had no time for him. I was busy and already enjoying my life. I showed up looking beautiful and always fun. We dated for 1 ½ years before he proposed. Did I trick him. Nope. I just stayed on the right end of the chase.

I will admit, there was a time when I felt a little lost in our relationship. I didn’t know where it was going. But I stayed the same through the journey. When he pulled back, I pulled back. When he did more I did too. I knew I had a man ready to take care of a woman., when I ended up in the hospital and he took care of me. When I was home not feeling great he was happy to be there. That’s what you want. You want him to love and respect you. And that first comes from your own personal love and respect of yourself. I didn’t do that before and ended up with a man that took every ounce I had in me. He didn’t know how to give. He only knew how to take. I gave as much as I had and it nearly killed me. 

 

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