Taking Full Responsibility

Recently, I had a conversation with my son that I recognized a habit of him not taking responsibility for his actions. For example, “Kai, How are you failing English?” Kai: “I don’t know? I gave her everything. I turned in all my work?” Even the smallest incidences this habit has been showing up constantly.  Out of frustration, I’m talking in a high pitch and losing my mind having this conversation with him while explaining why I am not buying it. If you are a parent, you can imagine the scene. Let me just stop and pray that he makes it safely to adulthood and I don’t kill him.

After I calmed down and talked it over with Khan, the words I was speaking reminded me of my own situation. “Everyone we see in the world is a reflection of ourselves, and the traits we see most clearly in others are the ones that are strongest in ourselves.” This is called the mirror of relationship. Most of the time you see certain things in others especially people that you are dealing with on a regular basis. Their obvious flaws are usually reflective of your own flaws. So, I thought about the areas where I hadn’t taken full responsibility in my life.

I was immediately reminded of a particular area where I was failing. If I use my son’s grades as a guide, I can see that there are areas of his life that he is extremely successful. He gets straight A’s every quarter. There are areas where he doesn’t even have to think about working that hard and he always ace’s his test. It is quite the opposite in other areas where he is on the brink of failing. How is it possible for you to be so good in one area and so bad in another area. Then I looked at my own report card. I realized that there are things I do naturally. There are things that I am so good at that I don’t have to think about it. I barely breathe and it happens. I’m successful in those areas because that’s who I am and what I like. The other stuff kinda sucks. I don’t like it so I ignore it or better yet, say it’s not my fault. I am sure that I am not alone here. It’s because of this or that, my family, my weight, age, height. I didn’t make myself this way, I ration.  You get the idea. So how can I get better in this area so that I can effectively help my son.

About a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I was actually diagnosed about a year before my mom’s passing. My mom passed up an autoimmune disease and so did my aunt. Obviously this runs in my family and it also is quite serious. This has thrown me into a mental tailspin. Most of my life, I’ve lived a pretty healthy active lifestyle. And everything that I’ve been doing has still lead me to where I am. I feel like I failed. And when I say “failed”, I mean I’m going to die of the same fate as my mom. In this mental state of failure,  the fear equals death. It has so stressed me out that it is caused even more symptoms. I have never felt so utterly out of my control for something that is “not my fault”. I’ve been to many doctors and run many tests and every week, I have been feeling worse than the last.

I have not been taking responsibility until recently. I decided that I am not going down like that. This situation sucks and I am going to fight to make it better. I am using all my resources to educate myself on my condition. I am making drastic changes to my diet. I am taking away all stress that can be eliminated. I am getting more rest and more exercise. I am also going to share all of this with my son so he can witness what is happening. I will show that this is how we handle our lives. WE take it on! WE DO OUR BEST! AND WE NEVER MAKE EXCUSES!

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